The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
