I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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