The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
