dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
