as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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