Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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