i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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