K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
