remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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