i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
