Sponge bath it is.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
