I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
