i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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