Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
