The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
