his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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