why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
and she was petting her beer can
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
