I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
