Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
