i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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