you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
