I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
