I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
