My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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