Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
