Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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