My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
