Got a toothbrush?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
