walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
