I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
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