i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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