I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
