I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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