i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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