You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
