Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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