the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
