I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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