she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
