u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
