I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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