i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you traded sex for a burrito?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
