Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
