16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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