So drunk its hurt
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
