I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
