it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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