hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
