So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
