help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
