It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
