I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
