He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
